FOREVER F**KING MOTORS: A RECAP. – Complaints

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By Car Brand Experts


By Peter M. DeLorenzo

Motor City. Receiving a phone call at an ungodly hour of 3:00 a.m. doesn’t usually signify good news. It typically involves either unforeseen – and unwelcome – developments, or it’s a mistaken dial. In either case, it’s generally Not Pleasant. However, the call I received early Monday morning proved to be something entirely different – it was none other than Mr. James “Jimmy” Fu and Mr. S. L. “Sonny” King on loudspeaker. I immediately identified them due to the blaring Asian pop tunes set at an ear-splitting volume in the background, almost drowning their voices. (But as they prefer it that way, as shouting is their primary method of communication.)

We swiftly transitioned to a virtual meeting on Zoom, where I could witness an assortment of gyrating models bathed in pulsating LED lights in the backdrop, which, oddly enough, provided a sense of reassurance at that moment, as toning it down would cast an even darker shadow over the world. More on this later.

I previously shared with AE readers about the endeavors of Fu-King Motors, and earlier in the notable AE dialogue with “Al Cantara.” While our veteran AE readers may be well-acquainted with Jimmy and Sonny by now, we have garnered a plethora of new readers, prompting me to offer some insight into the dynamic duo.

Mr. James “Jimmy” Fu and Mr. S. L. “Sonny” King have operated on the fringes of the vast Chinese industry for years. Nonetheless, these flamboyant and exceptional individuals have acquired legendary status both within and outside China. Mr. Fu commenced producing miniature vehicles in the late 70s. In reality, many of the toy vehicles our readers indulged in during their childhood likely originated from Mr. Fu. Even now, 50 years hence, I’ve confirmed that he oversees every toy manufacturer in China through an intricate network of small-scale workshops and a handful of prominent conglomerates under his reign. Mr. King joined forces with Mr. Fu after initially providing the intricately detailed wheels and remarkably precise tires for Mr. Fu’s model vehicles. Despite engaging in heated arguments right from the initial stages – always with a lot of yelling involved – the two have been collaborators at Fu-King Motors – and bosom buddies – for well over five decades now.

I was introduced to Mr. Fu and Mr. King when they approached me at the Los Angeles Auto Show many years ago. Apparently, they stumbled upon Autoextremist.com after discovering the Internet for the first time, and they recounted how they learned English by having my ‘Complaints’ columns translated for them. Our initial encounter turned into a hilarious episode as they blurted out some of my trademark phrases that they had picked up phonetically, like ‘notgonnahappen.com’, ‘halle-frickin’-luja,’ and ‘the Solution to the Question that Absolutely No One is Asking.’ (How they learned that last one remains a mystery to me.)

Mr. Fu and Mr. King have maintained close ties with me ever since. As I’ve grown acquainted with Jimmy and Sonny, their frenzied pace and unbounded enthusiasm never fail to astonish me. The 3:00 a.m. Zoom calls I receive are typically booze-fueled, unfiltered rants by Jimmy with Sonny shouting remarks from the background, accompanied by trendy models grooving to disco tunes in their covert Shanghai hideout. Their voracious appetites seem even more insatiable. Indeed, Jimmy still harbors a fondness for emerging female pop vocalists, whereas Sonny is a considerably generous sponsor of a female gymnastics institution.

Their clandestine garage brims with swift American muscle cars, offering a treasure trove for enthusiasts. Jimmy gladly briefed me on the state of their Fu-King Motors inventory. They offloaded their trio of Plum Dodge Demons (each tweaked to yield 1000HP) to one of their renowned, steadfast suppliers (whose son promptly wrapped one around a lamppost; whereas their daughters lent the other two to their partners, who – as expected – wrecked both). The pair of original “slender-hipped” 427 street Cobras has been whittled down to one, and the matching ‘68 L88 Corvettes have been sold. The Chevrolet C8 Corvettes they acquired (one black, one white) are no longer in their possession. Jimmy gifted his black Corvette to his secretary, while Sonny bestowed his white one upon his recent girlfriend. Not to worry, as Jimmy indicated, they each procured a Z06 for their collection (Jimmy’s is Black, Sonny got his painted in AE Purple). I’m delighted to announce that their beloved hot rods (and the reader favorites, based on our correspondence), the paired bespoke, 60s Willys Gasser replicas outfitted with race-tuned Chevy 502 big-block engines, endure. These ultimate bruisers – emanating deafening roars from their exposed exhaust pipes – are reserved for alarming the neighborhood in the wee hours. (Jimmy and Sunny were recently apprehended by law enforcement for clocking 150-mph in a 55-mph zone, but after much dialogue and a hefty contribution to the police “fund” they returned home with their driving permits intact.)

Their preference for Knob Creek Kentucky Straight Bourbon was supplanted by Basil Hayden’s Kentucky Straight Bourbon several years back, though they have now transitioned to Heaven Hill Heritage Collection 18-Year-Old Bourbon, priced at $300 per bottle (the source of these new bourbons remains perplexing, to say the least). Nonetheless, they reminded me that they continue to order crates of champagne weekly because, as Sonny remarked, “the ladies adore it.” And, naturally, they persist in their unwavering adoration for their twin Gulfstream G650s (Jimmy’s is Jet Black with fluorescent orange stripes; Sonny’s is Chaparral White with Midnight Blue stripes).

Yet, the primary purpose of the call, which they finally broached approximately 20 minutes in, was to furnish me with an update on the upcoming Fu-King Motors product schedule. The employment of the term “schedule” caught me off guard, but Sonny mentioned that it was due to their appreciation of my use of the word in my columns, hence they have adopted it as part of their vocabulary. “It’s all about Order! Order! Order!” Jimmy yelled, while they both drummed the table in unison. Eventually, after deciphering the shouting and attempting to assemble the details amidst the blaring disco-pop tunes, we concluded the call at 4:30 a.m. I was fatigued, but I never tire of hearing from Jimmy and Sonny. They even proposed that I pay them an extended visit, but I stipulated that I needed to settle my affairs before contemplating such an endeavor. Honestly.

So, to the best of my knowledge, the timeline for Fu-King Motors’ upcoming releases has been significantly delayed. In fact, it has been completely disrupted. “Was it due to the chip crisis?” I inquired. “Issues with the supply chain?” To which they both chimed, “No, it was the champagne… and the ladies!”

2025: In the words of Sonny: “Forget 2024, it’s a lost cause.” “What’s on the horizon for 2025?” I questioned. “Showcases!” they exclaimed in unison. “Spectacles of Dogs and Monkeys!” Seems plausible, at this stage. “We lure them in, then flip the switch!” I could have pointed out a few linguistic inconsistencies at that juncture, but I refrained.

2026: The highly anticipated debut of the six-wheeled, all-electric Fu-King Mammoth SUV has, unsurprisingly, been scrapped. The Mammoth was crafted to outshine the all-electric GMC Hummer EV and “anything else in the pipeline” according to Jimmy. The Mammoth boasted staggering figures: 2000HP; 10,000 lbs. and featured retractable electric staircases (“not steps, staircases,” Jimmy insisted) and “a design intended to upstage all other offerings out there,” added Sonny. When inquired about the pricing, Jimmy and Sonny reiterated what they had previously conveyed to me: “A sum that would reduce grown men to tears!” However, the Mammoth is now a thing of the past, a rare decision – and startling – moment.In a moment of self-reflection, Jimmy acknowledged that it was “inappropriate for the era.” Could this truly be the Jimmy familiar to me? However, it turned out there was more to the story.

2026 (4th Quarter): The highly awaited debut of The Fu-King Motors KickBoxer is here. It is positioned as the answer for boys seeking unparalleled off-road performance akin to the Jeep Wrangler 392 and the new Ford Bronco. Featuring a carbon-fiber unibody and a diverse range of variants such as a pickup and a mysteriously named “RumRunner Edition” (Sonny’s clever addition of “It can hide forty gallons of Bourbon!”), the KickBoxer will be equipped with an all-aluminum, now 3.0-liter, fuel-injected, Twin-Turbo, flat eight-cylinder engine delivering a mighty 800HP. When quizzed about the potential excessiveness, Sonny promptly retorted: “We are eager to introduce our rivals to customized cans of Whup-Ass!” Surprisingly, this incredible machine is still under development.

2027 (3rd Quarter): The all-electric semi-truck, resembling the Bison advanced long-haul trucking concept designed by GM Styling for the 1964 World’s Fair, is confirmed to be on track for a late release in the 3rd Quarter of ’27. Upon viewing images of the concept, it seemed as though the original Bison designers had been resurrected – such is the striking resemblance (refer to image below). This truck will operate on hydrogen fuel cells and boasts an electric heavy truck configuration with a projected range exceeding “900 miles,” as per Sonny. The moniker? “Convoy.” (Jimmy and Sonny have a profound admiration for the classic “Smokey and The Bandit” movie and the entire C.B. radio era in the U.S. (“We just watched it again last Saturday night,” Sonny shared.)

1964 GM Bison 02

(GM)
The Bison heavy truck concept from GM Styling was designed for the 1964 World’s Fair in New York.

2028: The troubled development journey of the Fu-King Motors supercar has hit a dead end with its cancellation. Given the constant clashes between Jimmy and Sonny over the project’s direction, it’s no surprise that it only exists as a figment in their minds at this juncture. Let’s be frank: it’s essentially a massive Black Hole of Vaporware. The toll it has taken on Jimmy and Sonny is palpable; every mention of it darkens their usual spirited demeanor.

Initially envisioned as a high-performance, hydrogen fuel cell-driven electric hypercar, the project – dubbed “Bandini” (my creation) – had transformed into a Battery Electric Vehicle (BEV) aimed at matching Gordon Murray’s T.50, featuring a 1+1 seating layout and a svelte curb weight of 1900 lbs. However, with Porsche joining forces with Rimac Automobili to establish the Bugatti Rimac joint venture for future hypercars, Jimmy and Sonny are fuming. “Porsche and Remulac!” Jimmy slammed his hand on the table. (I attempted to correct him that it was Rimac, not Remulac, to no avail.) “This is nothing but a German-Croatian nightmare! As you like to say, it’s notgonnahappen dot fricking com!” The discussion led to a rare moment of silence for Jimmy and Sonny, with the stereo blaring at full blast (“Jump Around” by House of Pain this time).

Then Sonny added: “We require your guidance! No Zoom calls! Your physical presence is crucial! We’ll have a third Willys vehicle custom-made just for you! Any color of your choice!” Now, that was enticing.

When inquired about products beyond 2027, the duo simply shrugged and cheerfully echoed in unison, “It’s a ‘giant we’ll see’ as you like to say!” After some persuasion, they disclosed that they had reached a consensus on a markedly practical version of their hypercar, retaining the 1 + 1 seating but targeting a more believable weight of 2800 lbs. and a considerably more realistic price tag of $60,000. I was stunned. Were my favorite avant-garde enthusiasts softening? “Nah,” Sonny retorted. “We simply want to witness this project materialize, or, as you put it, come to fruition.” They then proceeded to chant “Fruition, Fruition, Fruition!” in unison before bursting into hysterical laughter. And the moniker chosen for this truly exclusive – and more grounded – hypercar? The Fu-King Flyer. These gentlemen possess a certain magic…

Wrapping up the lively session, when asked about their intentions to bring their products to the U.S., their firm response was once again a resounding, “Never!” When probed further, they harmoniously stated, “Too much nonsense, too much hassle, too many regulations.”

At that moment, all I could do was nod in agreement. And I sincerely hope they always remain unchanged.

And that concludes this week’s High-Octane Truth.

 


Editor’s Note: Click on “Next 1 Entries” at the bottom of this page to see previous issues. – WG

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